Because of your kindness:

I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing
toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with
AIDS.

I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause
cancer.

I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I
even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and try to rob me.

I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a
stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda,
Singapore and Tokyo.

I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get
sick from the rat faeces and urine.

When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is,
for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me then take my kidneys and
leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that
was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she's been 7
since 1993...)

I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000 that
Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their
special e-mail
program would arrive soon.

My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a
paid vacation to Disneyland.

So, Thank you!