1.Indicating will give away your next move. A real Gauteng driver never uses
them.

2.Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you and the
car in front of you, or the space will be filled by two Golfs, a BMW and an
Uno, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3.The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have
of getting hit.

4.Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and
it will only result in you being rear-ended.

5.Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS
kicks in, giving you a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal
pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

6.Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It's a good way to
check if the people entering the highway are awake.

7.Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a guideline. They are
especially not applicable in Gauteng during rush hour. That's why it's
called 'rush hour...'.

8.Just because you're in the right lane and have no room to speed up or move
over doesn't mean that a Gauteng driver flashing his high beams behind you
doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

9.Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone
changing a tyre. Never stop to help - you will be mugged.

10.Learn to swerve abruptly. Gauteng is the home of the high-speed slalom
driving thanks to the Metro Police Department, which puts holes in key
locations to test drivers' reflexes and keeps them on their toes.

11.It is traditional in Gauteng to honk your horn at cars that don't move
the instant the light turns green. This prevents storks from building nests
on top of the traffic light and miners from making deposits on your car.

12.Remember that the goal of every Gauteng driver is to get there first by
whatever means necessary.

13.On average, at least three cars can still go through an intersection
after the light has turned red. It's people not adhering to this basic
principal that cause the big traffic jams during rush hour.

14.A solid white line is the same as a staggered line in Gauteng . The Metro
Police Department just have to save paint to buy new cars for all the new
directors. A solid white line next to a staggered line means they have
sorted the directors out and the paint contract has been awarded to their
wives.

Now guys, go out there today and make Gauteng proud!!