A man was in a doctors office and the doctor walked in and said, ok what do
you need today sir.

The man pulled down his pants and showed the doctor his beat up, bruised,
and bleading penis. The doctor said, damn how did you do that? The man said
well I live in a trailor, and every night I have noticed that the woman in
the trailor next to mine at exactally 9:00pm, she moves her rug where there
is a hole in the floor, she sticks a hot dog in the hole and masterbates
with it. So one day I got an idea at 8:45pm I would go under her trailor and
when she put the hot dog in the hole I would pull it out and stick my penis
in the hole.

So that night I did, and it was going great until someone knocked on the
door and she tried to kick it under the oven!

-------------------------------------

A man and his wife decide to play golf but neither is very good so they sign
up for lessons.

The man goes to his lesson first. The instructor says, "Show me your swing
so I can evaluate you." The man swings and the instructor says, "That was
good but you're holding the club too tight. Try holding it gently like you
would hold your wife's breasts." The man does so and he hits the ball 250
yards!
Later, the wife goes for her lesson. Again the instructor tells her to show
him her swing so that he can evaluate her. She does and he says, "You're
also holding the club too tight. Hold like you would hold your husband's
dick." She does so and takes her swing.

Then the golf instructor says, "Try it again but this time take the club out
of your mouth."