They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! These sentences (with all
the BLOOPERS ) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in
church services:
 --------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:
'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone
who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving  obvious
pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So
ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.  Music
will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is  Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend
him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.  Please
use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'