Operator:
"Thank you for calling Scooter's Pizza. May I have your ..."

Customer:
"Halloo, can I order?"

Operator
: "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"

Customer:
"It's eish ....., hold on .....eh....

698-45-54610
..."

Operator
: "OK... you're .... Mr Sfiso Majola and you're calling from
17 Retief Street .
Your home number is 011 403 23*6, your office 011 764 23*2 and your
mobile is
082 266 256*. Which number are you calling from now Sir?

Customer:
"Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?"

Operator
: "We are connected to the System Sir."

Customer:
"May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator
: "That's not a good idea Sir."

Customer:
"How come?"

Operator
: "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even
higher cholesterol levels, Sir."

Customer:
"What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator
: "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer:
"How do you know for sure?"

Operator
: "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National
Library last week Sir."

Customer:
"OK I give up ... Give me three family sized ones then, how much will that
cost?

Operator
: "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is R149.99!

Customer:
"Can I pay by credit card?"

Operator
: "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the
limit and you owe your bank R3720.55 since October last year.

That's
not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."

Customer:
"I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash
before your guy arrives."

Operator
: "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on
machine withdrawals today."

Customer:
"Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.

How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator
: "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and
collect it on your Green Double Cab ...."

Customer:
"What!"

Operator
: "According to the details in the system, you own a Nissan Double Cab,...
registration number NRB 1*2 GP ....."

Customer:
" *'!^ *%^*%^I7*"

Operator
: "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on the 15th July 1987? You were
convicted for using abusive language to a policeman. I need not tell you
what happened to you at Sun City Prison"

Customer:
[Speechless]

Operator
: "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer:
"Nothing ...... by the way ... aren't you giving me those 3 free bottles of
cola as advertised?"

Operator
: "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic
... "

Customer:
"Please cancel the order, my wife will have to cook ...."