Here is the glorious winner:
 
  1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
  during a hold-up in Johannesburg, South Africa , would-be robber Elliot
  Ncgube did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
  barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
 
And now, the honorable mentions:
 
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
  machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
  insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its
  men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a
  finger.
  The chef's claim was approved.
 
  3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during  a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken  the space. Understandably, he shot her.
 
  4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal shebeen, a Zimbabwean bus
  driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
  transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
his  incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental  hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered
for 3 days.
 
 
5. A teenager in Soweto, South Africa, was in the hospital recovering
from  serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked
how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying
to
see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was
hit.
 
  6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the
clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving  the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got
from the drawer . ....$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you
money,
is  a crime committed?)
 
  7. Seems a guy in Polokwane, South Africa, wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a concrete building block through a
liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the block and
heaved it over his head at the window. The block bounced back and hit the  
would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store
window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on CCTV
camera.
 
  8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman
was
able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes,
the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove
back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer,
that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
 
 
  9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
 Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and  
 demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated,
walked away. (*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER)
 
 
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage
tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying
that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
 
 
In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with your
friends and family ... unless of course one of these individuals by chance
is a
distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are  
distant and hope they remain lost.