A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labeled LSD?'
Granny replies, f**k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!
****************



Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly
agrees. Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love
juice?'
Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.
Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.
Dad says, 'So what were you watching?'
Billy says, 'Wimbledon.'
****************



A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband, I look
horrible, I feel fat & ugly, pay me a compliment.'

He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'
***************



Wife gets naked & asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or
my sexy body?'

Hubby looks her up & down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!
***************



An elderly couple are attending Mass.

About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I
just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'

He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'