* I'm living next door to a Indian couple at the moment. They have 3
little kids and they've challenged me to a water fight in the back yard,
so I'm just writing to you while the kettle boils!

* Can you spare just R2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Zambia .
He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to
school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes
and only 1 pedal. If you send us just R2.00, we will send you the video
- its hilarious.

* I've caught a stray parrot in my garden. All he says is, "good
morning you ugly prick." It's not yours is it?

* I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for
donations. Just had one from the sperm bank. Boy, did I give her a
mouthful.

* Been to the optometrist today - he told me I was color blind. I'm
fuckin' worried now that some of my buddies could be black. If you are,
can you delete my e-mail address?

* There's a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market: Trycoxagain.

*In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was where
do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it's Africa

*One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in
cells. It appears that Nigerians and Zimbabweans is not the correct answer

*George Clooney is to star in a new film about Gary Glitter, called "Oh,
She's Eleven."

*My wife told me I was no longer romantic so I booked a table for the
two of us on Valentine's Night. Problem was she sucks at snooker & darts

*There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in Durban but I've been
banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets

*You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they
drive slowly past schools

*A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the
symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy
bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."

*A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her
twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother's got
a moustache."